Fashion Week is in full swing in New York, New York, with some stonking output already seen from the likes of Alexander Wang, Rag and Bone and er, Victoria Beckham. However, to use the somewhat overused jargon of many a fashion article out there… Of course the real style isn’t on the catwalks, it’s on the streets (!) And, as already seen in street style coverage of the last three days, the star ensembles of the Front Row set are gorilla-furred, silk-turbaned, dip-dyed perfection. However, there’s a clash at work here – tomorrow is Monday the 14th, after all (Forgotten, guys? It’s now or never – time to Hallmark-stamp that relationship).
The clash is as follows: boy meets girl meets gorilla dip-dyed silky turban ensemble. Maybe I’m judging too quickly. Would any of the style set’s fashion week choices so far actually lead to true romance? Somebody to love? In the words of Brick & Lace, Love is wicked, after all. So, let’s (speculatively) rate ‘em and slate ‘em, all thanks to Tommy Ton of Jak and Jil’s super photos for Style.com.
No. 1. Many-layered lady
Layers make sense in the snow, of course, but what with fur, nylon, wool, denim and leather all fighting to be the most outrageous element of this outfit, passers-by are confused and surrounding men no doubt feel abused. However, a red-lipped smile is a winner.
Fashion Week rating: 10, Valentines rating: 3
No. 2. Big Clutch Bag
A perennial fashion-week favourite is the perennially awkward ma-hussive clutch bag. Fashion types carry these round like small children cradled in their arms. For Valentine’s, then, probably not a major problem…but there’s no way you’re holding hands girlfriend! Sad face
Fashion Week rating – 8, Valentine’s rating – 6
No. 3. Tiny little bag attached to somewhat larger bag
Arctic Gorilla fur and bottle-green trews aside, I don’t see why anyone would have a problem with this per se, but I just don’t really geddit myself. Sort of dodgy key ring territory. Conclusion: A boy would probably go out with you, but I might not.
Fashion Week rating – An underground big hitter? 8. Valentine’s rating – 8
No. 4. Hat attack
Not sure. Its crazy good, and looks like a puff-pastry, but I’m not sure a date would find you good enough to eat. Pretty make-up though? She looks kind of elfin, so perhaps finding a Lord of the Rings fan could mean you’re onto a winner.
This, however, is perfected hat-related synthesis in motion. She’s found a guy with a similar taste in hats! Win win.
Fashion Week rating: First hat 10, Second hat 6. Valentine’s Rating: First hat, 4, Second hat, 10!
The thing is, clearly all these opinions are moot, as I’m totally speculating about what men really think in a Cosmopolitan-style, Bridget Jones fashion i.e. ‘What do men really think of my big knickers??’ And hey, irrepressibly kooky style can often work out romantically – have you seen Pretty in Pink?
Besides, let’s keep one thing in mind – Valentine’s Day is a bit silly, and fashion really matters. Well, not really, but fashion is most definitely more fun than Valentine’s, and so these fruity fashion ensembles defeat all else. For me, anyway.
To finish, a quote from our friend Karl Lagerfeld from way back in 1984: “I’m a kind of fashion nymphomaniac who never gets an orgasm.” Who knows what the Kaiser’s on about this time (What is he like?) but I’ll leave it up to you to decide if its anything to do with man-repelling fashion + love.