Why does having a daughter have to be such a pain? Jay Z and David Beckham have recently told of the sacrifices they’ve had to make as a result of having female offspring. In the rapper’s case, it is the exclusion of the word ‘bitch’ from future performances (reducing his total lyrics by about 23.4%). For Becks, it is the end of him being able to walk around the house naked- although when he says naked, he obviously means sporting Armani socks and H&M gloves lest he go unsponsored for one second of his life.
This provides us with two insights in to what boys think about girls. Let’s look at each one in more detail.
First, exhibit A- the ‘bitch’ case. How interesting that after 20 years of using the “b” word in the majority of his tracks, it has taken the production of a XX chromosome from Beyonce’s innards to make Mr Z change his ways. Still, better late than never eh?
Little did he know, baby Blue would signify a huge change in Jay Z's career
But ‘bitch’ is not so bad compared to the other nasty female-connotative words circulating at the minute. Just the other week, I overheard a guy saying “We absolutely raped them” when describing last year’s defeat over another college’s rugby team. I mean, that’s just not nice. Facebook-raping or ‘fraping’ would be offensive were it not for the fact that when I see the word ‘frape’ it just looks to me like one of those drinks they do at Starbucks in the summer. But the permeation of derogatory female terms in to everyday conversation is something which we cannot take too lightly. Of course, most men (and women) who use these terms are harmless, respectful people. But what about those people who aren’t; what about the person who thinks it is actually okay to rape someone, as the website UniLad ‘jokingly’ suggested recently (only to be shut down as a result). When he hears that other people are saying it’s okay, even though those other people don’t really mean it, is he not then encouraged to act? I’m not saying that sexist language turns people in to sexist pigs, but that people who already have those thoughts may feel legitimised by the widespread use of such language.
Beckham- we would have used a picture of him in his underwear, but there is always a chance that baby Harper could be reading this
Now on to David Beckham, the man who has obviously been reading far too much Freud for his own good, given his latest declaration that it would be inappropriate for him to walk around the house naked since the recent arrival of baby Harper (a girl). But David, I want to say to him, SHE IS SIX MONTHS OLD!! What kind of thoughts do you think a 0.5 year old baby girl could be having? She hasn’t even grasped the concept of the same amount of liquid being in two different shaped vessels yet let alone developed any feelings of a remotely sexual variety! Perhaps the real problem is that Becks has not read enough Freud. Maybe he read the introduction where it says sex sex sex, boys love mothers girls love fathers but missed out the chapter where it says the libido only develops from three years of age. Dave, you’ve got another two and a half years to parade your schlong around Beckingham Palace before it gets weird!
So what to conclude from these two cases of clear insanity? That men are idiots? Well, we already knew that*. Or maybe that we underestimate the psychological effects on men of having a daughter- after all what else could it have been if not a hormone imbalance which led these two men to come out with such utterly crass statements after the birth of their respective daughters?
Perhaps the only real conclusion we can draw from all this is that celebrities should know when to keep their mouths shut.
Then again, if they did that, I wouldn’t have anything to write about…
* I don’t really think all men are idiots. Just most.
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